Kirkus: "Thoroughly silly and campy!"
From Kirkus Reviews:
Fishbone presents this middle-grade reader in the form of letters from purple-haired Septina Nash--[PLOT SPOILER REMOVED]--to her teachers, her school counselor and the police lieutenant who is leading the investigation into the disappearance of Sexta, Septina's sister. Through these letters, readers learn that Sexta [PLOT SPOILER REMOVED]. Among the cast of characters: Septina's mom, a famous skateboarder who makes a living selling lottery tickets, Dr. Fignizzi, Septina's mortal enemy who [PLOT SPOILER REMOVED] and Miss Snoqualmie, Septina's math teacher whom Septina sets up on dates with men who work in the sanitation department with her father. Though this is thoroughly silly and campy, it is ultimately unsuccessful. The characters, Septina in particular, are not likable, the plot twists are bizarre instead of interesting and the attempts at cleverness and humor, though occasionally right on, are for the most part overdone and forced. (Fiction. 8-11)
Septina says:
Dear Mr. Kirkus:
Thank you so much for spoiling three important plotlines of my book in the first three sentences of your review. Tell me, when your friends want to watch a movie they haven't seen, do you recommend "that M. Night Shyamalan film where the 18th Century village turns out to be a modern-day retreat and the strange creatures who don't like the color red turn out to be the village elders wearing costumes to frighten the other residents into proper behavior"? Sheesh!
I was warned that you probably wouldn't like my book, because you've got a bit of a reputation for being finicky, but I never expected to see such a lack of professional standards! Everybody on the Internet knows that a plot-spoiler review should start with the words "PLOT-SPOILERS BELOW" followed by five exclamation points and twenty-seven blank lines, then the words "SCROLL DOWN FOR PLOT-SPOILERS" followed by seven exclamation points and thirty-one blank lines, followed by the words "THIS IS YOUR LAST WARNING TO AVOID PLOT-SPOILERS" followed by nine exclamation points and forty-two blank lines.
So you don't know how to format a proper review. That's okay. Everybody has their shortcomings, and the important thing is that you're learning from your mistakes and doing the best you can. But after spoiling the plot of my book, did you then have to refer to it as "unsuccessful"? Of course The Penguins of Doom hasn't sold a whole lot of copies--it hasn't even reached the stores yet! How could any book be successful when only time-travellers and book-reviewers have had a chance to read it?
Worst of all, though, was your unprovoked personal attack in calling me "unlikable." I'm sorry that you don't like me, and I'm especially sorry if it's because of that time I accidentally filled the inside of your car with eleven hundred pounds of shaving cream, but are you really saying that because you don't like me it means nobody else will? That you've conducted a poll and determined that it's scientifically impossible for anybody to like me? Because that's what "unlikable" means.
Even brussels sprouts and broiled liver are likable--capable of being liked--because my brother Quinn can't get enough of them, though they make the rest of the world want to puke. If even one other person finds me likable, that would prove that you are wrong, wrong, wrong--and nobody will ever be able to trust any of your reviews ever again!
I've done book reports for school, so I know how hard it is to skim quickly through a book and pretend you've read it well enough to have an opinion. You're obviously new at this and, if you keep working at it, I'm sure you'll get better. I just hope the mistakes you've made in this particular review don't damage your reputation too badly, and again I'm truly sorry about ruining your car!