The Official Septina Nash Website
(Now with More Sevens and Threes!)

My editor says I have to get blurbs for my book. She says that blurbs are those quotes they put on the cover to convince people that they’ll like a book because someone else already likes it.

The first blurbs I came up with were these:

“Awk, awk, awawk!” —Spots the Penguin

“Do I have a what for you? A blurb? Hold on, let me check in the back room.” —Guy Who Works at the Local Shoe Store

“Please insert twenty-five cents for the next ten minutes.” —Electronic Lady on the Payphone

“Nope, no blurbs back there, but we can special order them.” — Guy Who Works at the Local Shoe Store again

I thought I’d done a pretty good job of collecting these, since it had taken me almost twenty minutes of work, but that wasn’t good enough for my editor. “We need blurbs from other authors, preferably ones who have published a lot of books.”

“I’m pretty sure the Electronic Lady on the Payphone also publishes the Yellow Pages directories,” I said.

“Try again,” she said. “We need blurbs from big authors.”

“Like J.K. Rowling?”

She nodded. “Now you’re thinking! J.K. Rowling has sold almost as many books as William Shakespeare and God.”

“Hmmm,” I said, and smiled to myself.

The next day, on our way to school, Quinn and I spotted my first blurb for THE PENGUINS OF DOOM.

“What do you think?” I asked. “Even better than J.K. Rowling!”

“Can you prove that God wrote that message?” Quinn asked.

“Can you prove that He didn’t?” I shot back. “It’s a genuine miracle!”

“Maybe,” said Quinn, “but why would God need to break the padlock on the church message board?”

“I don’t know.”

“And why would God leave footprints from here to the storage shed in the churchyard?”

“No idea.”

“And why would God wear the same size sneakers as you?”

“What can I say? God works in mysterious ways and has tiny feet. Deal with it.”

I’m still waiting to hear back from Shakespeare.