Harry Potter and the Penguins of Doom
I’m outraged! I’m upset! My mind is racing a billion million miles a minute! Why? Because my editor thinks I’m too much like Harry Potter, that’s why!
And what’s wrong with being like Harry Potter, you ask? Absolutely nothing. I love Harry Potter! Those are some great books, and movies, and video games, and…have they started selling Harry Potter toilet paper yet? Because I’d totally use some of that. “Check it out, I’m wiping my butt with Snape and the Dementors!”
But the thing is, all those Potter books have similar titles: Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone; Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban; Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix; and all that. And since those books did so well, hundreds of other books have come out that are all called “Person’s Name and the Something of Something”.
Maybe I don’t read as many books as Quinn, but you’d think I would have noticed someting like that before calling my book Septina Nash and the Penguins of Doom.
So here’s a handy guide to the differences between me and Harry, to keep you from getting confused.
Harry: Has a lightning-bolt scar on his forehead.
Septina: Has no scars, but has gotten scraped up a bit from skateboarding accidents.
Harry: Uses a wand to perform magic.
Septina: Uses a baton to lead the marching band into the frog pond.
Harry: Attends Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry in England.
Septina: Attends O.W. Holmes Middle School in Conwell, Massachusetts.
Harry: Is an only child.
Septina: Is the youngest of seven children including a set of triplets.
Harry: Parents were murdered by Lord Voldemort when he was a baby.
Septina: Parents are still alive and have never met Lord Voldemort.
Harry: Arch-enemy is a powerful wizard with a gang of Death Eaters.
Septina: Arch-enemy is a mad scientist with a gang of deadly ninjas.
Harry: Can’t finish his potions homework because he’s practicing for the big Quiddich tournament.
Septina: Can’t finish her math homework because she’s practicing for the Olympic Freestyle Skateboarding competition.
There! Now that you can see all the differences, I won’t have to change the title of my book.
Comments
Well, Septina, I do think it might up sales, but then there would be that whole trademark infringement lawsuit and who wants to go through that?
I did like Greg's idea of From the Desk of Septina Nash: Penguins of Doom. Then when you write your sequel, it can be something like From the Diary of Septina Nash: Fireflies of Fury. Of course, I could be jumping the gun, but I figured you still had lots to say. That whole sibling rivalry with Sexta hasn't been resolved. Of course, there might not be any fireflies . . .
Posted by: Buried Editor (one of your editors) | June 26, 2006 10:55 AM