Dear Davy Jones
Dear Davy Jones,
Thank you for your kind offer to be my personal penguin, which you presented in the downloadable song on the Workman Publishing website. Normally I would jump at the chance to have a singing waterfowl of my very own, except that I’ve recently come into possession of three personal penguins already. A fourth might be a bit much, since Mom and Dad are already complaining about the cost of herring bits and Purina Penguin Chow.
I’ve asked my triplet-brother Quinn if he might want you as his personal penguin, and he pointed out that you’re really not a penguin at all. From the pictures we’ve seen online, you’re not covered with feathers and your hands and body seem almost human. It made no sense until Quinn explained that you are actually a Monkee and only pretending to be a penguin for the song because nothing good rhymes with Monkee except chunky and flunky.
So here is my counter-offer. I will let you be my personal Monkee, and one of my penguins can be your personal penguin. That way everybody wins! I suggest you choose Spots over Stripes or Solids—he’s the most musical of the bunch and can play piano while you sing.
Sincerely,
Septina Nash, Your Personal Penguin-Owner